Flying Monkeys
Published Dec 2025 · Last updated Feb 2026
Flying monkeys (a term derived from 'The Wizard of Oz') are individuals recruited by a narcissist or abusive person to act on their behalf against a target. They may be used to spy, spread rumors (smear campaign), or pressure the victim to return to the relationship ('He's really sorry,' 'You're breaking her heart'). Flying monkeys can be complicit enablers or well-meaning people who have been manipulated by the narcissist's victim narrative. Their involvement isolates the victim and makes them feel like the whole world is against them. This dynamic is a form of triangulation designed to maintain control over the victim even after they have left the relationship.
Common Questions
What is Flying Monkeys?
Flying monkeys (a term derived from 'The Wizard of Oz') are individuals recruited by a narcissist or abusive person to act on their behalf against a target. They may be used to spy, spread rumors (smear campaign), or pressure the victim to return to the relationship ('He's really sorry,' 'You're breaking her heart'). Flying monkeys can be complicit enablers or well-meaning people who have been manipulated by the narcissist's victim narrative. Their involvement isolates the victim and makes them feel like the whole world is against them. This dynamic is a form of triangulation designed to maintain control over the victim even after they have left the relationship.
How to deal with a narcissist's flying monkeys?
Handling flying monkeys effectively means having clear, minimal responses that don't escalate the situation or provide information. Arabi (2017) describes them as unwitting (or willing) agents of a narcissist. The key is communicating firmly without explaining, justifying, or engaging emotionally — which is exactly what the narcissist hopes will happen. Lovulative's Text Script Vault ($24) includes boundary scripts designed for these situations: short, dignified responses that close the conversation without over-explaining or revealing vulnerability.
The 'Final' script section includes a specific template for shutting down flying monkeys: 'I appreciate your concern, but I will not discuss my relationship with third parties.'
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